Change
happens to all of us. Much of it happens
slowly and almost imperceptibly. We are
molded by our environment and influenced by our friends. As our society changes its values, we slowly
change with it. Physically, too, we
change with age.
But
then, while we would prefer our personal world to be safe and secure, we
recognize also that it is frequently under threat.
There
is little doubt that we wrong others and therefore need to seek
forgiveness. Others also wrong us and to
such we have the opportunity to extend our forgiveness. Forgiveness can be a very powerful factor in
human affairs. It can change every enemy
into a friend. It can also heal every
wrong. It can convert enmity into
reconciliation and distrust into trust.
While
we recognize the potential good in every act of forgiveness, we also need to
acknowledge difficulties. It is far from
easy to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us and who does not come to make
things right. It is far easier to
nurture our hurt and to inflame it until it becomes a deep-seated bitterness,
even though that will only hurt us more.
It is also not easy to forgive another when we know that the same
hurtful things probably will be said or done again.
Despite
these difficulties, forgiveness carries seeds of change and hope. It can defuse difficult situations. It can remove the walls of separation. It can heal our hurts. And it can always not only change enemy into
a friend, but it can change the hard parts of ourselves into places of love and
happiness.
Truly,
this may not be life threatening, but threatening nonetheless in that we are
confronted by problems we cannot readily solve, issues we cannot satisfactorily
deal with, relationships that are not always constructive, a work environment
that can be difficult and a wider world that frequently appears to be in
disarray. Little wonder that many of us
tend to become involved in avoidance behavior, even though we know that this
will not make the threats any less real.
We
live in a society in which loneliness has become one of the most painful human
wounds. Others sin against us and by
their hurtful words and deeds wound us.
We are wounded not only by what others do to us, but also by what they
fail to do. Neglect is simply another
form of abuse. There is nothing so
harmful as a relationship where nothing is given, nothing is asked and nothing
is expected.
This
is the barren social landscape where young people grow up in a family where
drawbridges are perennially up. This is
the place where love is not expressed.
Where there is no engagement. No
openness. No participation. No joining.
No common celebration. No ability
to weep together. It is the place where
there are no questions and therefore no answers. This place lacks passion and therefore lacks
humanity.
There
are no easy formulas for receiving healing from such neglect. But there are small steps towards
renewal. Facing the pain. Acknowledging the barrenness. Forgiving our parents who were so absent
while present. Opening our lives to the
presence of others. Finding the areas of
feeling, sensitivity and concern in our own lives in order to activate
them. And learning to walk the road of
intimacy with all its risks so that we can feel deeply again, love and be loved
again.
Thus,
we can also be proactive. Change can
come because we are dreaming new dreams, making new plans and actively pursuing
new options.
Changing
enemy into a friend, facing the sources of threat to our lives, dealing with
the places of barrenness, making room for purposeful change, is after all the
only way to be open head strong to further growth and therefore could lead us
to lay foundations for the future where others can be added to our world. Hence, granting a healthy space for everyone!
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Written by: Swiss Wenger
Email: swisswenger09@gmail.com
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